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Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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