Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize