WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
