Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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