im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
