Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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