your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
