Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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