i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
