i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
