I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
