The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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