I can tuck mytits in my pants
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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