one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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