So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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