Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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