Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
