Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
