when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
