I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
