What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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