I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
