she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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