my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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