i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
