You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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