the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
