The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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