matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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