oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
