i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
