so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
