i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
