a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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