3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
