he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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