can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
