i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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