I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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