if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?