I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
