I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles