at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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