so that wasnt chicken after all
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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