you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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