three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
