did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
