I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
