the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
