I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
