I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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