I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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