My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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