paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
