That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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