I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
