So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
