i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i love accidental penises.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
