Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
