So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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