there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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