I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Its about making memories worth repressing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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