when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
