Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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