Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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