I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
