is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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