Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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