508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
