dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
