i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
