omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
