Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My friends, they love my intelligence
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
