his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
