you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
