when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
