I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
