Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
