Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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