She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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