It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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